Her diary

“I don’t remember the last time, I have felt so strangled. I have only now felt the feeling of my efforts getting failed. I, now know, what failure looks like. It is the time, when whatever people say seem to hurt me. The time, when, all that I had taken for granted, all my life, seems to come at a price. I feel disconnected, like the lone star. I thought I was high up, somewhere, until now. Discontentment, suffocation, hopelessness.

The greatest mistakes I have committed so far are two things.

1. Not setting up realizable targets 

2. Having held on to slippery things

I still don’t think I am going to change. When I think beyond this, I end up wasting my time thinking of what I would want to do with my life, when I would never know what I want the next minute. Sometimes, I wish I weren’t too much of a thinker.

I have always pushed myself to belong to the crowd, when I have always known I didn’t belong there. I wish I know how to make a fuss about someone who is just-not-your-type, or just get together and giggle about something that is not worth a penny. I wish I never went out by my own since school, so that there will always be someone who would be arranged to drop/pick me up. I wish I had been a fussy eater. I wish I had known the different levels of make-up to be put on.

That was all gibberish. Now, I honestly wish I didn’t blabber.

I never wanted anybody to move away from me for no specific reason. I never wanted to move away from anybody else. But, yes, to all those of you who did, a big thank you. You gave me life’s lessons in small cups. 

I only hope that there should be nobody else who is going through, what is happening with me.

P.s: To the one who said – “Efforts may fail, but don’t fail to make any efforts” – SCREW YOU.”

Note: I can redefine randomness every time.

 

 

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