“There can be no friendship between a man and a woman. There can be love, jealousy, attraction, passion – but no friendship.”
I have been wanting to write about this for a long time. When I first read the above lines, they seemed to be complete non-sense. I have loads of friends of the opposite sex. The statement is absurd. But somehow, along the line, it struck me. There seemed to be a little sense after all.
Friendship, there is no definition for it. All of us would know by now, what it is. I am not going to try to explain.
Between a man and a woman, there can be love, attraction, lust,Β jealousy, admiration, envy, the brothely-sisterly feeling, reverence, but friendship. They could just be acquaintances. I don’t know how to put it. I am so used to calling them all my friends. The way you are with your female friends, and the guys, it’s not the same. It can never be the same. It probably roots back to the fact that we are women, and the other, men. It’s such a dumb justification to give, but am not able to take a stance for lack of firm ideas regarding the same.
Do not the case of complete dependence, absurd possessiveness, more predominant? Friendship is not about all this. If there could just be only friendship between a guy and a girl, friends should never be able to get into a relationship. We don’t see that right?
Beyond all this, I believe it cannot exist because, when it comes to being friends with a guy, one has to draw a line. You confine the relationship between certain limits. That, in turn, makes ‘friendship’ lose its sanctity.
I might be wrong. For me, I define relationships in my own terms, and have been quite happy so far. So forgive me, in case I had touched the uncomfortable chord somewhere.
What do you all think about it?
abi it seems that there are lots of misconceptions that prevails around the society. we have been brought up under such a scanner. this has got imprinted on our minds over a long period.this has created a dilemma when we get into a warm relationship with opposite sex . we ourselves try to be aloof .
Anna, societal norms are there, always. Being friends, is an individual’s wish. Yeah, point taken, the way one is brought up, has a certain influence too.
Hmmm…. Abi the fact is actually what u said. But it doesn’t apply to many. Even now i’ve many friends and even maintains only friendship with our female friends but not any other relationships. Only to few it may turn around some relations but not to the most…….
See, agreed, you maintain only ‘friendship’ with them.. All that i am trying to tell you is, that very same ‘friendship’ has a limit when it relates to a person of the opposite sex, but has no boundary with a person of your own sex. Do you deny??
Whoever your friend maybe ,whatever sex he/she is , the common thread in every friendship is TRUST…
I completely agree with you . You cant measure friendship across parameters like sex or moral issues…
Friendships about the warmth and trust you share with him/her ..
Trust me, my closest friends in every phase of my life so far have been girls…
When you start thinking about friendship with issue such as sex and how the society looks at it , the bond is broken..
Friendship is something we need to revere and treasure.. For it expects nothing … It comes without any clauses ..
Here’s to u , me and our friendship π
Proud to be ur friend da π
Trust, all that is fine. Don’t you actually think, the friendship has a boundary when it comes to someone of the opposite sex? It certainly does. You revere, treasure, all that is fine. Just think a little bit more. Something is sure amiss.
I have known and seen “Friends getting into a Relationship ” .. But do we really have a right to comment on them ???
Because its personal and all u know is the fact that there was a strong and compulsive need for each other; emotionally and physically for such people…
Just wanted to ask you , did the fact that friends sometimes get into a relationship affect you to pen down a statement like ” One has to draw a line ,when it comes to a friendship with a guy”.
Am not commenting on anything in particular. A compulsive need, yes. That’s precisely what i am talking about.
No, irrespective of whether or not I would want to get into a relationship, the ‘drawing line’ holds good.
And he he, proud to be your friend too π
Abi , i dont know … As i keep on saying, i have never really thought about this issue…
Probably i haven faced such a situation in which i have been forced to think all along these lines( in ur case, the quote u had mentioned in the first post )…
But, i have to point out one thing. Even though my parents completely believe in my maturity when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex, i sometimes get questioning looks from them ,when i am found talking on the phone for a long time or something like that… Probably this is what u are talking abt .. Again i dunno… I might sound confused, forgive me for that…
Will think about it … But i believe i have generally found the opposite sex more understanding when it comes to relating and discussing issues with them..
U have me thinking π
Thought a bit and have another question for you…
Dont you think he/she drawing lines in a friendship is an indication of the understanding and maturity that runs through their friendship…
If a guy and a girl are completely confident in each other’s maturity and able to handle issues regarding their friendship ,he/she might never feel the need for “drawing a line ” … I think its almost like a trust building exercise…
One good example, confidants of opposite sexes never really hide issues from each other ..
Plus, when you start drawing lines, a kind of uncomfortableness creeps in.. Good friends who are confident of each other , will never do such a thing ,especially when they know it might hurt them later…
Again my opinions..
Its impossible to not draw a line. We have been friends for 2 years now. Don’t you think there is a limit to it? It exists.
That is what I have been talking about.
The uncomfort zone creeps in, its just that you tend to stay away from issues which is going to draw you towards that zone. women are understanding, and am happy you have met quite a few like that in life. But, ‘friendship’ as such, is what I am talking about here.
And, hmm, drawing lines don’t hurt. You remember the space I talked about? That is this.
Regarding friends getting into a relationship,it happens after quite a long time. Needs lots of thinking. May be the idea that “we both know each other so well and we can be happy with each other (only) so why not get committed?” takes them to that level.
I have friends in guys, but i agree, somewhere down the line, the closeness differs,when it comes to my girl-friends and guys who r friends.
write more, Abi!
Sindhu, any relationship for that matter, requires a long time de. It happens only when you get the feeling that you can be happy with each other. Am not blaming people getting into a relationship, after being ‘friends’ for all along. All that am trying to say is, even during the phase they were just ‘friends’, it would have been admiration, contentment, and you might have even tried to impress upon certain things.
But it’s an altogether different issue, with your girl buds.
Do you get what I am trying to say?
Hmmm da, i can understand now …
Great post da… Really made me think…
Keep writing … As i keep on saying, u never fail to suprise me..
π π π π
honoured! π will do..
good job abi π . to be frank its the ppl looking to transform their friendship to a ‘relation’ with their opposite sex shud think whether it will be a good one for both of them. of course we admire our friend but this admiration cant be expected wen they get into a relationship ther will be ego clash which u cant see among friends. my view is a friend is much worth than a life partner. many times these relationships wud lead to misunderstandings which ultimately breaks the relation.
Why is that you say it wont be friendship if there are limits ? All sort of relationships have their limits.. right ?
And i feel that we cant generalize a thing like this.
All relationships have limits, by themselves. All I am trying to say is, you hereby draw a line yourself. A deliberate one at that! and yes, it cant be generalised. i just wanted to know what people opine about it. π that’s all re.
yes, yes i get it π Applies to all relationships, as you say.
Yes d π π Open marriages thing, got me thinking! brilliant perspective yours was π
nice post…keep writing !
Thank you! π
Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!
Thumbs up, and keep it going!
Cheers
Christian, Satellite Direct Tv
friendship+possessiveness = relationship
Not in all cases, right bharath? There are a few people who are basically possessive in nature, irrespective of whoever the relationship is with, of parents, of siblings, of friends..
“Beyond all this, I believe it cannot exist because, when it comes to being friends with a guy, one has to draw a line. You confine the relationship between certain limits. That, in turn, makes βfriendshipβ lose its sanctity.”
— I’d disagree here, sis..
drawing the lines does not necessarily kill the sanctity! I’d say definitely not!! this arises because of your notion that friendship shd, in the first place, be boundless.. and when u see something limiting this “apparent boundlessness”, u fear it loses sanctity.. nope.. this is the common misconception!!
everything has its limit “inherent”…including friendship!! even love!! its easy to disagree with me here, but look at the big picture… when it is boundless, at some point it becomes a conflict of identity of two individuals!!
It shdn’t be like “u see it boundless first and then start limiting”.. instead start with points, let the points grow slowly and sensibly, u’d see the line starts to emerge.. u define this line by defining the points in the first place.. not let the points grow uncontrolled and then limit the line!!! tats how u draw the line!!
phew!!! π pretty long, boring comment, huh??!
good work.. keep it going….
Pretty long, yes, boring, certainly not.
Anna, every relationship, has an inherent boundary. I don’t deny that at all.
But, even in case of friendship, its the same thing. This line emerges slowly, you nurture it. But, this, is what happens when the person is of the same sex as you are.
When, it is not,the relationship starts with a boundary, the inhibitions, and will at no point vanish completely.
I do not know, if am making much sense here, but all that I know, is, its definitely not the same, me being friends with a girl, and with a guy. The latter, has relatively greater inhibition.
As usual, brilliant point anna. Your comment was in itself a fabulous read. I shall give it further thought π
I beg to differ here….. am sure there is not actually major differences when it comes to sharing/bonding in any friendship……. all it takes is honesty and trust in the friendship….. if there is something i can share with a CLOSE friend(a guy) i would definitely be able to share it with another CLOSE friend(a girl)….. i feel its not about the sex but about the trust you have on your friend and how honest you are in the relationship……
A nice article though….. all the best and keep posting more…….
Hmmm.. π
thu dog!